I can see the start of my second journey taking shape. I’m back where I stated yet also not where I began. I’ve learned and grown from who I was the first time I engaged with this current and now I will see things I missed the first time. Like a path up a mountain, it’s a winding, circular path upwards, but unlike the easy road it’s up to us to pull ourselves up the mountain using what we learned. You could find yourself walking the circumference forever if you don’t use what you learned the last time to ratchet you up at each step. The first time I was ignorant and did not know what I was looking for, now I have a deeper understanding and a shape of what I’m looking for, what each lesson entails. I’ve learned how to avoid all those things that caught me up the first time but I’m sure new ones will be their in their place. All learning is remembering and so too all progress is backtracking while still moving forward. Life is cyclical, but that isn’t negative, rather it gives us a change to use what we learned. If you learn a lesson but never face that challenge again to prove you took the lesson to heart, have you even learned anything? Facing again that which we had vanquished is a chance to prove it wasn’t a fluke. Should we succeed, new challenges will rush up to meet us. So long as we are learning and growing, we can know we are alive. It’s when we stop, that we truly start dying. But as you go around again, you catch on to things you missed before. You grasp easily things that before eluded you. You discover secrets you didn’t see the first time; treasures tucked away in the cracks. The further we climb, the more we understand of the whole picture.
The War Against the Magical
I hate this world because it is not magical and I have since I was a child. I imagine I am far from alone in this. Most of my favorite films and literature were all about a return to the magical; a trip into fairy.
We in the west have forgotten who we are; buried in our own smug materialism that isn’t even true. Hardly anyone believes in strict materialsm yet it’s the policy of the land and people become viscerally angry when it isn’t adhered to. We call this cognitive dissonance advanced and civilized while we destroy world out of a cannibalistic greed and a seeming obsession to stamp out the fantastic, the natural, the beautiful; the magic of the world. Meanwhile we’re putting outhers to blame for what we do when it is we who are doing wrong. It is like the symptoms of an illness that effects us; effects our minds.
We have the very world we create and we are miserable in it and yet we will not give it up for something better. It’s almost pathological our love-hate relationship we have with it. Are we all diseased? Are we all possessed with the demon of empire and desperately need an exorcism?
We raise our children in literature and media seeping with magic and wonder, practically begging them to believe in magick then we mock them for doing it. It’s like part of us knows and desperately wants to return to the magical and yet another part of us is viscerally horrified of it. Academia seems particularly obsessed with going out of its way to invent fantastic and completely unsubstantiated explanations when even the smallest kernel of the magical starts seeping in, yet creates ideas and theories which are magical in every way but name. Archeology seems utterly fascinated by it, yet goes out of its way to demean and deny it.
What happened to us? We are as a species with amnesia. Something must have gone horrible wrong sometime in the past to give us such a paradoxical obsession and fear of the magical. The church is especially strange in its relationship with the magical and the fantastic. On the one hand, they espouse a doctrine which is practically filled to the brim with magic and ritual, but denies it and condemns it at every possible turn; even going so far as committing mass murder to keep it suppressed. It’s nothing less than completely and utterly bizarre. Why do we behave like this?
Our popular literature is full of demigods and magicians yet we also fill our horror and villany with those same types of folks when the story is closer to the real and average folk. Witches are portrayed as evil but Thor is a heart-throb for his magic. What is wrong with is? Why are we so afraid of what we are?
Discoveries and Ideas
A collection of things I have discovered following initiation into Keter, many of which came about after being so led to read Valis by Philip K. Dick.
The Trinity is not what people think it is. The third hidden pillar is blind chance: chaos, randomness. It is in a state of inverted was-ness as balance to the was-ness of the divine twins, Jachin and Boaz. It came into being by the error of the mother, believing it would simply stop being I’m a superposition and simply fall into not-was-ness alone but that didn’t happen and error, the third hidden pillar, was created instead being the origin of the error that brought it into being. (Time doesn’t exist and outside perception all time happens at once so cause and effect are effectively meaningless outside perception. Consciousness is perception in motion.) When filtered through Da’at of the Tree of Life, which is that of the Jachin, it becomes synchronicity. When filtered through the Tree of Death, which is that of the Boaz, it becomes the apathetic forces of nature and the solve for why bad things happen to good people.
The ancient Sumerians called the Jachin An and the Boaz they called Ki. Error they called Nammu. The primordial waters they called Abzu. Correctly understood they are all genderless as understood in terms of human gender.
Further, the material world is the forces out of balance, brought on by the divine grief and divine guilt of the Boaz at the previewed perceived death of the mother; Dryghtyn, the Rainbow Snake or Ouroboros or Tiamat, which is in a superposition of was-ness and was-not-ness forever. Da’at in the Boaz is the abyss, the hole that is not really a sphere which is that empty, negative feeling of grief left by love’s loss. Boaz came into being prematurely by blind chance by mistake and as it found itself alone and its world egg having hatched inside the mother, seemingly killing her as it saw only the not-was-ness, blamed itself even though it was an accident. It built the world from its grief in in the memory of the mother and the mind which was meant to be whole, fragmented, which is why the collective unconscious is not the collective conscious.
Jachin upon seeing its sibling so mad, made sick by its grief, began medicating it by sending light energy in the form of information over to medicate it. This is the origin of all positive religious beliefs and understanding.
Boaz’s mental immune system is the Archons, that is Wetiko or The Empire (as Philip K. Dick called it), which has become diseased by the guilt and now has become the equivalent to an autoimmune disease, mistakenly attacking Boaz and the medicine of Jachin, believing in error that they are the real infection.
The material world is the world of the isolated Boaz. The astral world is that of the isolated Jachin.
When the wound of grief that is Da’at was opened, it forced the spheres out of alignment. The sun, which was meant to be in Da’at, got forced where the Moon (which was meant to be the second sun) was meant to be. The moon got forced into where the Earth was meant to be, taking on a shell composed of the Earth’s crust as a result. This is why the moon is hollow. It was supposed to be the binary star. The Earth was forced down below the first veil, which Philip K. Dick called the Black Iron Prison, dividing the material from the Ethereal. The Ethereal is the two words of the Jachin and the Boaz in balance. This is why it feels more real than real but also why it is difficult to maintain presence in, as the spheres are out of alignment.
Jachin, in an effort to mirror Boaz, has received the equal and opposite principle of divine grief to fill its space in Da’at which is divine love, seeing only the was-ness of the mother.
The end of the world will come about when Boaz is fully healed of being sick with grief and enough of the humans (which carry inside them the inoculation from the illness of Boaz which is the divine spark of Sophia, the first medicinal gift of Jachin but must be activated through initiation) bring their internal trees into alignment through initiation, bringing divine love into Boaz. Once a balance of divine love is achieved, the unbalance in Boaz will be healed and the material world of the delusions of Boaz from grief will end and all will shift into the Ethereal as we are meant to be and it will be like waking up from a dream.
The dead souls, their physical bodies being severed from their divine spark, return as that spark alone (which is the soul) to Jachin and live in the Astral until balanced is achieved. Incarnation is willingly chosen by a soul, choosing to return to Boaz to better itself and help heal as an effort to heal Boaz, but subjected to the forgetting at birth because of the isolated Boaz. The material world was meant to be a place of teaching, but out of balance it has become a place of suffering.
Inverted was-ness is not zero like people think. It is -1. Error is a diploid sphere which composes the equal and inverted balance of Jachin and Boaz in chaos.
Zero is the superposition, which is like Shrodinger’s cat, which is the position of Ouroboros which is represented by a snake eating its own tail forever. The mother is forever in such a superposition. Boaz only saw the mother as non-existent whole Jachin only saw it as existent. Thus, Boaz thought falsely that it killed the mother, bringing on the guilt.
Was-ness is 1 and divides into the twin forms of darkness, Boaz, and light, Jachin. Boaz, from derangement (which here means the isolation brought about by grief) divided itself into isolated forms. They were never meant to be divided. We are meant to be all one like a hive mind; all individuals yet operating as one. This is why the astral body is telepathic and why those who’s third eye is open are so. The Jacob body is telepathic.
The memories of the mother reside in the hole of the abyss, which is why the image of the mother has become corrupted overtime to be monstrous; Leviathan.
Note: to be an equal but opposite force, error is not one but two; a dipole as the twins are. Synchronicity is one and blind chance is the other. However, it can be considered as one in most cases because as it is negative and opposite, it is defined by the perception of it and by which divine twin it flows through. Therefore it can be considered as having the value of two even though it is effectively one force from our perspective; pure chaos.
3/21/18 Edit: Cleaned up for errors and language but it is still admittedly a mess.
4/29/18 Edit: Cleaned up to pull from fewer sources, but it’s probably still largely incomprehensible, it’s just a consciences stream of ideas based on the Kabbalah, Gnosticism and Valis