In Defense of Being Obnoxious

Do what thou whilt shall be the whole of the law.

Scenario: A female supervisor gives a short presentation during a meeting covering certain topics. Then a male supervisor speaks and needlessly reiterates what was already said as if she hadn’t said anything at all. Then later, the female supervisor mentions something really important and none of the men in the room pay any attention to her.

This is a situation I was told about by someone I know. It was something that happened at their job. I’ve omitted the names and other irrelevant context to focus on the core issue at hand.

People often act like I’m being unreasonable when I’m obnoxious about things but this exact kind of behavior is exactly why I do it. Men are known to often be utterly oblivious to the words, actions, and ideas of women and it is a social mold that persists into the present age despite all our great steps forward. There’s still a ways to go.

Reports of this issue most often is reported to be the case in a corporate environment and of course the ever-present and oft-discussed phenomenon of “mansplaining” is part of that.

I do think it’s worth noting that I do think we shouldn’t just be throwing “mansplaining” around as willy nilly as we sometimes do. When we do it looks bad on all of us and cheapens the term when trivialized. I think a lot of them are well meaning and just don’t realize what they’re doing. After all, in schools we’re taught to reiterate the question before answering it in order to ensure you understood the question correctly. Of course often that’s not even applicable but sometimes it could well be an example of that handled poorly. In any case, beyond that there’s also the autistic tendency to info-dump about the things they’re excited about and this shouldn’t be seen as a character flaw as such. I’m sure there are other valid scenarios too but these are the only two that come to mind. Still, even if justified, it’s a good idea for people to make a conscious effort to reduce such things as much as humanly possible.

In any case, many people for one reason or another won’t pay attention to you until you effectively force them to. It’s something I’ve had develop in my subconscious for my entire life.

Now, I recognize the above given example focuses on misogyny, and that’s absolutely a problem, but so much has been said on the topic elsewhere that I hardly feel like I have anything meaningful to contribute that hasn’t already been said ad nauseam so now I’m going to focus more on the other form of discrimination I’ve noticed that’s far less talked about.

My be-obnoxious-to-be-noticed strategy started as a child due to so often not getting listened to when I had what I considered to be valuable input to contribute. I think it’s probably not an uncommon experience for adults to ignore taking anything seriously that comes out of the mouth of a minor regardless of its merit, but I think that attitude is rather short-sided. Granted, I’ve been guilty of that in the past but I’m trying to change because I recognize when I was a teen I still had good ideas too, yet they often never got listened to purely due to age. It was absurd honestly. I mean, in any given group of random adults I’m usually one of if not the smartest people in the room, and that didn’t just start when I turned 18. If you took a room of 10 random adults and compared their IQs to a “gifted” teen it’s pretty likely that for several of them their IQ would be found to be lower than the minor.*

Even as a teen, I could come up with stuff other people simply can’t and I can formulate it into meaningful feedback with ease. I did so regardless of my gender or age. Pretentiousness has no boundaries.

I hate ageism in both its forms. Ignoring someone’s input simply for age related reasons is ridiculous. I have more than a few elderly friends and you’d better bet I’d stand up for them if called for by the situation and I do so without hesitation. Just because you’re old doesn’t mean you should just be dismissed without a second thought. Granted, I recognize senility is a factor to consider in many cases, but I think people overvalue that excuse and ignore things that otherwise have merit not out of a genuine concern for their failing cognitive abilities but rather out of convenience. It’s the content that matters, not the one presenting it. I mean, that’s essentially the genetic fallacy in action. When I get that old, I hope people will still listen to me when I have valuable input to contribute regardless of my age. I will assuredly try to do the same while I’m still relatively young. Obviously I’m not saying the crazy Christian fundamentalist in the street corner is worth listening to but there’s certainly people that age that are and we should respect and protect that. Some of our best beloved people are elderly and have good things to say and we should do a better job of not just respecting that but accepting it full stop.

Love is the law, love under will.

Determined,
Vanessa

*Yes, I recognize IQ is considered by some to be problematic, but that isn’t relevant to the point I’m trying to make.

Public Comments Opened for Anti-trans Rules

From TransOhio:

Public comments have opened for DeWine’s proposed administrative rules restricting healthcare for trans and nonbinary people—both youth and adults—in Ohio.

ODH & MHA NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU! Send an email to respond to the rules.

To: ODHrules@odh.ohio.gov; MH-SOT-rules@mha.ohio.gov

Subject Line: Comment on Gender Transition Rules

Message: These proposed rules fundamentally change how Ohio systems operate, burdening providers and devastating patients. Governor DeWine publicly stated that medical decisions should be left to patients and families, not the government. These rules are unwanted, unnecessary, and very likely unconstitutional. I oppose both rules, because…

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The deadline to submit comments is 5:00PM on Friday, January 19. Please follow us for more information, including emergency resources.

We forgot to mention that comments are public, so you might want to be careful about including personally identifiable information.

Take “Tranny” Back

Do what thou whilt shall be the whole of the law.

I think we should take the word “tranny” back the way so many other slurs have like the word “queer.” Being trans is not a bad thing. Being trans shouldn’t be the subject of ridicule. It’s transphobia that certainly should. There’s nothing inherently negative about shortening “trans person” to “tranny” except in the malicious use by those who are our enemies. This is our word and we own it. We always have. Much like so many other reclaimed sluts though, it’s still not ok for cis people to use it.

Love is the law, love under will.

Determined,
Vanessa

Then They Came for Me

UPDATE: Public Comments Opened for Anti-trans Rules
Make your voice heard and advise them of your opposition.

Do what thou whilt shall be the whole of the law.

Once again, trans lives are under attack by the GOP.

DeWine just created new “administrative rules” stripping away trans rights right after vetoing a bill that does the same on a smaller scale. Disturbing and terrifying to see this villainy has come to my home state.

The GOP has already been working to strip trans people of the ability to stand up for themselves.

They have already made it effectively impossible for a trans person to be on the ballot in Ohio unless they out themselves to the general public, which is an act of painting a target on their head. In Montana they’ve already blocked a trans lawmaker from speaking in the face of a bill trying to ban minors from getting medical care for gender dysphoria in the state. A move taken despite studies showing that access to trans medical care is shown to dramatically reduce the mortality rate for gender dysphoria.

Now they’re following it up in Ohio with a new set of “administrative rules” to restrict access to trans medical care for everyone, both children and adults. They want to restrict access to life saving medicine out of a false claim of it being for “protection.” The GOP loves to falsely claim trans healthcare is still “experimental” and “based on very limited, poor-quality research” and falsely claim that a lot of people later regret having gotten care, but that couldn’t be further from to the truth.

Trans medical care is life saving and necessary.

This is the case for both children and adults who are afflicted with gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is a physical sensation not unlike pain which can become so intense that suicide can become the only hope of escape. People who are trans are born with it and their brains show as being the gender they identify as in MRI brain scans. Don’t let the conservative propaganda or your own biased assumptions deceive you, access to care is a life and death matter. Transition is the only form of treatment shown to be successful in reducing levels of gender dysphoria found in patients. Everything else has been tried and met with extremely limited to no success. Trans medical treatment is nothing new. It has been around for a very long time and has been extremely successful, and went largely unnoticed until recently where the GOP has started using it as a rallying cry having lost the battle against gay marriage rights. Recently conservative mouthpieces have taken to calling trans people “groomers” and “devils” in public forums despite a utter lack of convicted cases of sexual misconduct by trans people. Meanwhile 1 in 10 young protestant Christians have left their church over sexual abuse. Clearly they need to get their priorities straight.

The suicide rate for trans people is exceptionally high.

The reasons for this are numerous but the biggest factors are discrimination, rejection, and lack of access to treatment for gender dysphoria. There’s a reason that the biggest trans yearly tradition isn’t a parade or a celebration of any kind. It’s “Trans Day of Remembrance.” Every year on November 20th we remember and morn our dead. There is also “Trans Day of Visibility” but that’s something a lot of trans people hate and want nothing to do with as they don’t want to be outed or shown a light on out of the danger of retaliation, discrimination, targeting, death threats, and disrespect.

DeWine added that the rules will require transgender adults to obtain from their providers a “comprehensive care plan” including “lengthy” mental health counseling before they can be considered for any medical interventions.

by Brooke Migdon of The Hill

Gatekeeping is a term used to describe barriers and extra steps added into the process of getting treatment for gender dysphoria. Thanks to DeWine, Ohio is adding more gatekeeping; erecting and expanding restrictions and barriers for access to care greater than anywhere else for both minors and adults alike. It’s seriously fucked up and they will have blood on their hands. None of these added gatekeeping measures are necessary. There is no evidence that any of them are even helpful. Make no mistake, they will absolutely be disastrously harmful and deadly. The claim of fly-by-night providers and clinics is nothing short of a fantasy. These rules will only serve to increase the mortality rate for untreated gender dysphoria.

Left untreated, gender dysphoria worsens. Every delay towards getting care is extremely harmful and increases the likelihood it will prove fatal in much the same way that exposure to the gympie-gympie plant is often fatal. As a result, these new rules are going to lead to more otherwise preventable deaths. I personally had to jump through several hoops to get HRT and I almost didn’t survive. They had eliminated that form of gatekeeping I had to deal with since then, but now these fuckers not only put it back, but made it worse. They’re saying it’s for “protection” but if that’s really the goal they did that exact opposite of what they should have done. This isn’t for protection at all, it’s an discriminatory and prejudiced attack on trans people as a whole out of malice and spite. This is a direct attack on trans people like myself as part of the conservative plan to “eradicate” us.

One of the rules, he said, will require transgender adults seeking access to medications like hormones to retain a multidisciplinary team “including but not limited to an endocrinologist, a bioethicist and a psychiatrist.”

by Brooke Migdon of The Hill

Notice they slipped a “bioethicist” in there. Bioethicist is just GOP dog whistling for having a conservative tell you that you can’t get treatment because they personally think it’s unethical.

DeWine’s proposal is among the nation’s most stringent for transgender adults seeking access to gender-affirming medical care, and it is likely to bottleneck resources and worsen financial strain on people seeking gender-affirming care.

by Brooke Migdon of The Hill

They’re turning Ohio into the anti-trans hellscape they turned Florida into.

The conservatives are already doing this in Florida (our most fucked-up state) to disastrous effect, Worse, they may make me have to do all this extra shit just to remain on my current treatment that I’ve been on for a decade. If that happens, there’s a serious chance it will prove fatal. I can’t be sent back to square one. I do not have the ability to go through that hell again, and I know I’m not the only trans person facing the same thing.

The bill was a red herring.

Yes, it’s true DeWine vetoed the bill restricting access to care for minors. However this new move has been done by circumventing democracy and is much worse and much further reaching. (And for that matter, the GOP is going to force the bill through anyway. That’s bad in and of itself, but that’s not what I’m concerned about at the moment.) I’m talking about the “administrative rules” [executive order] he put in place without democratic involvement. The bill was almost certainly a red herring and an attempt to misdirect and bury the news of the new “administrative rules”; an attempt to hide their horrific actions from the general public. Don’t be fooled. The GOP is anti-American and pro-fascist.

If you have an ounce of morality in your body, fight this.

It’s extremely important our cis allies prove they actually are allies. Get obnoxious. Spread this around to everyone you know and make sure they read the entire thing, even if they’re a conservative. No, especially if they’re a conservative. Attack the GOP; get involved with the Democratic party and push for petitions, lawsuits, whatever you can to defend trans rights. Flood members of the Ohio government with calls, petitions, protests, general strikes, and letters. Make a sizable donation to TransOhio and get involved. Make it your life’s mission to save us from this affront on human rights until trans rights are enshrined in the constitution just like abortion rights were in the recent election. Kick toxic people out of your life, yes even your family, and show no restraint. Ban them from everything if you have to. Make it clear that transphobia of any form will not be tolerated. Even if you don’t live in Ohio there’s things you can be doing to help your local trans community, and you should. Also, if you can, please donate to TransOhio. It’s one of the few organizations in the state fighting for us actively. They also support ya in other ways like providing resources, organizing events, and providing name change assistance. Support them as much as you can and volunteer if you’re able.

Please don’t ignore this.

Please don’t think that just because you don’t hate trans people that that in itself is good enough. It is not. You must fight for us because we’re too vulnerable and too small a minority to fight for ourselves. If you are unwilling to take these steps, then your allyship was merely performative and devoid of substance. You were never a real ally to begin with. Do better.

We’re entirely at the mercy of cis people to prevent this attempt at genocide.

Please help. I am absolutely terrified of the evil Dewine has wrought. I am incapable of fighting this anymore than I already have. I shouldn’t have to face an uphill battle to just be allowed to continue to receive medical treatment for a medical issue, and to just exist as who I really am and stay that way. I’m in fear for my life.

It’s up to you to fight this.

Reject ignorance, hatred, and division and embrace love and compassion.

There is no bond that can unite the divided but love: all else is a curse. Liber CCXX I:41

Love is the law, love under will.

Exhausted and terrified,
Vanessa

Toe the Family Line

Do what thou whilt shall be the whole of the law.

I may have grown up assigned male, but I still felt the pressure to plan marriage and kids growing up anyway. Gotta carry on the family name they said. Well, that’s not gonna happen at this point. I’m already passed the point of no return in terms of having children biologically. If I was to decide to have a kid at some point I’d have to adopt or find a surrogate. I’m not at all interested in the later. Adoption is fine though since that was my plan even as far back as when I was still closeted and in denial. I don’t feel right brining a brand new life into this world when there’s so many in need of loving homes and caring parents. No judgement on those who do, this is just about me and my personal feelings. If I did adopt, I would adopt an older kid. Those are the ones who get adopted less so I’d like to make that dream come true for them in my limited capacity I must abide by in the life. Plus I don’t want to deal with that anxiety, drama, and exhaustion of raising a baby. A single puppy is handful enough I can’t imagine having to deal with a human baby. I do not need that much stress and anxiety added to my life.

In any case, my family name isn’t gonna be passed down no matter the circumstance since I’m not interested in trying to adopt without being married first, and when I get married my last name will change anyway. I’m aware that you don’t have to do it that way but that’s the done thing and I don’t want to subject myself to the level of dysphoria is I’d have for not doing that. Plus I just like the idea of sharing a last name with my future husband. I have considered changing my name to include Kindell as an additional middle name so I can keep the name and change it at the same time. I haven’t decided for sure what I want to do on that front and I’ve got time to figure it out. There’s my rush.

I’m not interested in hyphenating my name. That just make it too long and kinda too messy for my tastes. Not knocking those who do, it’s just not for me. Doing it this way would still keep that familial connection while also taking his name like I want. Still, I recognize that considering a future that’s still a ways off is a bit of a waste of time since circumstances change and so do we as time progresses.

In any case, I don’t really want kids at this stage of my life anyway. I’ve long been more interested in living a free life filled with few expectations beyond my own. Plus, I have determined through raising a puppy that I don’t have what it takes to deal with a baby long term at this point in my life. I can barely handle puppy shenanigans at the moment. We’ll just have to wait and see what the future brings I suppose. I hope it’s a nice one.

Love is the law, love under will.

Hopefully,
Vanessa