I can see the start of my second journey taking shape. I’m back where I stated yet also not where I began. I’ve learned and grown from who I was the first time I engaged with this current and now I will see things I missed the first time. Like a path up a mountain, it’s a winding, circular path upwards, but unlike the easy road it’s up to us to pull ourselves up the mountain using what we learned. You could find yourself walking the circumference forever if you don’t use what you learned the last time to ratchet you up at each step. The first time I was ignorant and did not know what I was looking for, now I have a deeper understanding and a shape of what I’m looking for, what each lesson entails. I’ve learned how to avoid all those things that caught me up the first time but I’m sure new ones will be their in their place. All learning is remembering and so too all progress is backtracking while still moving forward. Life is cyclical, but that isn’t negative, rather it gives us a change to use what we learned. If you learn a lesson but never face that challenge again to prove you took the lesson to heart, have you even learned anything? Facing again that which we had vanquished is a chance to prove it wasn’t a fluke. Should we succeed, new challenges will rush up to meet us. So long as we are learning and growing, we can know we are alive. It’s when we stop, that we truly start dying. But as you go around again, you catch on to things you missed before. You grasp easily things that before eluded you. You discover secrets you didn’t see the first time; treasures tucked away in the cracks. The further we climb, the more we understand of the whole picture.
The War Against the Magical
I hate this world because it is not magical and I have since I was a child. I imagine I am far from alone in this. Most of my favorite films and literature were all about a return to the magical; a trip into fairy.
We in the west have forgotten who we are; buried in our own smug materialism that isn’t even true. Hardly anyone believes in strict materialsm yet it’s the policy of the land and people become viscerally angry when it isn’t adhered to. We call this cognitive dissonance advanced and civilized while we destroy world out of a cannibalistic greed and a seeming obsession to stamp out the fantastic, the natural, the beautiful; the magic of the world. Meanwhile we’re putting outhers to blame for what we do when it is we who are doing wrong. It is like the symptoms of an illness that effects us; effects our minds.
We have the very world we create and we are miserable in it and yet we will not give it up for something better. It’s almost pathological our love-hate relationship we have with it. Are we all diseased? Are we all possessed with the demon of empire and desperately need an exorcism?
We raise our children in literature and media seeping with magic and wonder, practically begging them to believe in magick then we mock them for doing it. It’s like part of us knows and desperately wants to return to the magical and yet another part of us is viscerally horrified of it. Academia seems particularly obsessed with going out of its way to invent fantastic and completely unsubstantiated explanations when even the smallest kernel of the magical starts seeping in, yet creates ideas and theories which are magical in every way but name. Archeology seems utterly fascinated by it, yet goes out of its way to demean and deny it.
What happened to us? We are as a species with amnesia. Something must have gone horrible wrong sometime in the past to give us such a paradoxical obsession and fear of the magical. The church is especially strange in its relationship with the magical and the fantastic. On the one hand, they espouse a doctrine which is practically filled to the brim with magic and ritual, but denies it and condemns it at every possible turn; even going so far as committing mass murder to keep it suppressed. It’s nothing less than completely and utterly bizarre. Why do we behave like this?
Our popular literature is full of demigods and magicians yet we also fill our horror and villany with those same types of folks when the story is closer to the real and average folk. Witches are portrayed as evil but Thor is a heart-throb for his magic. What is wrong with is? Why are we so afraid of what we are?
Discoveries and Ideas
A collection of things I have discovered following initiation into Keter, many of which came about after being so led to read Valis by Philip K. Dick.
The Trinity is not what people think it is. The third hidden pillar is blind chance: chaos, randomness. It is in a state of inverted was-ness as balance to the was-ness of the divine twins, Jachin and Boaz. It came into being by the error of the mother, believing it would simply stop being I’m a superposition and simply fall into not-was-ness alone but that didn’t happen and error, the third hidden pillar, was created instead being the origin of the error that brought it into being. (Time doesn’t exist and outside perception all time happens at once so cause and effect are effectively meaningless outside perception. Consciousness is perception in motion.) When filtered through Da’at of the Tree of Life, which is that of the Jachin, it becomes synchronicity. When filtered through the Tree of Death, which is that of the Boaz, it becomes the apathetic forces of nature and the solve for why bad things happen to good people.
The ancient Sumerians called the Jachin An and the Boaz they called Ki. Error they called Nammu. The primordial waters they called Abzu. Correctly understood they are all genderless as understood in terms of human gender.
Further, the material world is the forces out of balance, brought on by the divine grief and divine guilt of the Boaz at the previewed perceived death of the mother; Dryghtyn, the Rainbow Snake or Ouroboros or Tiamat, which is in a superposition of was-ness and was-not-ness forever. Da’at in the Boaz is the abyss, the hole that is not really a sphere which is that empty, negative feeling of grief left by love’s loss. Boaz came into being prematurely by blind chance by mistake and as it found itself alone and its world egg having hatched inside the mother, seemingly killing her as it saw only the not-was-ness, blamed itself even though it was an accident. It built the world from its grief in in the memory of the mother and the mind which was meant to be whole, fragmented, which is why the collective unconscious is not the collective conscious.
Jachin upon seeing its sibling so mad, made sick by its grief, began medicating it by sending light energy in the form of information over to medicate it. This is the origin of all positive religious beliefs and understanding.
Boaz’s mental immune system is the Archons, that is Wetiko or The Empire (as Philip K. Dick called it), which has become diseased by the guilt and now has become the equivalent to an autoimmune disease, mistakenly attacking Boaz and the medicine of Jachin, believing in error that they are the real infection.
The material world is the world of the isolated Boaz. The astral world is that of the isolated Jachin.
When the wound of grief that is Da’at was opened, it forced the spheres out of alignment. The sun, which was meant to be in Da’at, got forced where the Moon (which was meant to be the second sun) was meant to be. The moon got forced into where the Earth was meant to be, taking on a shell composed of the Earth’s crust as a result. This is why the moon is hollow. It was supposed to be the binary star. The Earth was forced down below the first veil, which Philip K. Dick called the Black Iron Prison, dividing the material from the Ethereal. The Ethereal is the two words of the Jachin and the Boaz in balance. This is why it feels more real than real but also why it is difficult to maintain presence in, as the spheres are out of alignment.
Jachin, in an effort to mirror Boaz, has received the equal and opposite principle of divine grief to fill its space in Da’at which is divine love, seeing only the was-ness of the mother.
The end of the world will come about when Boaz is fully healed of being sick with grief and enough of the humans (which carry inside them the inoculation from the illness of Boaz which is the divine spark of Sophia, the first medicinal gift of Jachin but must be activated through initiation) bring their internal trees into alignment through initiation, bringing divine love into Boaz. Once a balance of divine love is achieved, the unbalance in Boaz will be healed and the material world of the delusions of Boaz from grief will end and all will shift into the Ethereal as we are meant to be and it will be like waking up from a dream.
The dead souls, their physical bodies being severed from their divine spark, return as that spark alone (which is the soul) to Jachin and live in the Astral until balanced is achieved. Incarnation is willingly chosen by a soul, choosing to return to Boaz to better itself and help heal as an effort to heal Boaz, but subjected to the forgetting at birth because of the isolated Boaz. The material world was meant to be a place of teaching, but out of balance it has become a place of suffering.
Inverted was-ness is not zero like people think. It is -1. Error is a diploid sphere which composes the equal and inverted balance of Jachin and Boaz in chaos.
Zero is the superposition, which is like Shrodinger’s cat, which is the position of Ouroboros which is represented by a snake eating its own tail forever. The mother is forever in such a superposition. Boaz only saw the mother as non-existent whole Jachin only saw it as existent. Thus, Boaz thought falsely that it killed the mother, bringing on the guilt.
Was-ness is 1 and divides into the twin forms of darkness, Boaz, and light, Jachin. Boaz, from derangement (which here means the isolation brought about by grief) divided itself into isolated forms. They were never meant to be divided. We are meant to be all one like a hive mind; all individuals yet operating as one. This is why the astral body is telepathic and why those who’s third eye is open are so. The Jacob body is telepathic.
The memories of the mother reside in the hole of the abyss, which is why the image of the mother has become corrupted overtime to be monstrous; Leviathan.
Note: to be an equal but opposite force, error is not one but two; a dipole as the twins are. Synchronicity is one and blind chance is the other. However, it can be considered as one in most cases because as it is negative and opposite, it is defined by the perception of it and by which divine twin it flows through. Therefore it can be considered as having the value of two even though it is effectively one force from our perspective; pure chaos.
3/21/18 Edit: Cleaned up for errors and language but it is still admittedly a mess.
4/29/18 Edit: Cleaned up to pull from fewer sources, but it’s probably still largely incomprehensible, it’s just a consciences stream of ideas based on the Kabbalah, Gnosticism and Valis
True Love and Desire
If you cannot tell the difference between a love formed from grasping (lust) from a love formed from giving (true love), then you’ve never known true love. True love isn’t interested in what one can get from the arrangement. True love just is, regardless of desires. Romance is rarely a gateway to true love, since it’s generally a product of desire. However it probably can sometimes blossom into such, but more often it simply survives through mutual desire which in itself isn’t true love as I am beginning to understand it.
I use the term true love in want of a more exact term. In this case I refer to true love as being the manifestation of the transcendence of duality. Acceptance of one fully and without reservation without regards to one’s own desires and perhaps even in spite of them and not even out of some vague often unrealised ultimate desire for some promise of the potential of future fufillment of desire. It is this later form of desire that most often leads one to mistake the two. Lust is often good at hiding itself in a cloak of seemingly altruistic desire. Even if the desire to see oneself as a good person or fufill ones own sense of obligation to help others, it is still a form of desire and is therefore distinct from true love. This does not however make it in any way a bad thing. I do not believe that desire is inherantly a negative thing in itself. If the desire ultimately leads one to positive things then the desire is ultimately positive. Rather, it is simply a recognition that there is a form of love for another that exists which transcends such things. A love beyond romance and beyond all desires, even positive ones. I only now have come to recognize it because I’ve begun to feel it for the first time. I have the Buddhists, which I joined in a meditation ritual recently, to thank for this revelation, though it took the works of Philip K. Dick (though serendipitously as it wasn’t from the content itself but rather the realizations it caused within me) to actually recognize the truth of this feeling and what it really was.
I believe that this represents the beginning of my initiation into Keter. I knew I was at the doorway of Keter, but I’m only now starting to parse the lessons it has to teach. Starting my book was the first step on this length of the journey, but contrary to my initial speculation, I am not yet at the end but merely the beginning of the end. I’m learning more things about the ultimate mysteries of the universe than I ever thought possible but with it I’m learning about new, more powerful, positive feelings than I ever thought possible. I am as yet unsure of how this will ultimately effect me but I can tell already that it is going to somehow change me very fundamentally for the better.
Concerning Love
Everyone is possessed by division, even me. The part of me that gets a sick sort of thrill out of my separation from the mundanes or even just calls them that is evidence to the fact. The entire universe is possessed. Truly that was the fall; the division. The separation of Anu from itself. The division of Dryghtyn into the twin energies. In truth on a level there is no separation and yet still it is.
“For I am divided for love’s sake, for the chance of union.” ~The Book of the Law, Alister Crowley
This in a form is a form of possession yet because it permiates the all, it is not an externally imposed one. We are all deranged in a form, but it is from this derangement that all things come into being. Nothing can happen without contrast. Sorrow and joy are but two sides of the same coin.
However, this does not mean we need to let the possession take over. Love is the transcendence; union from the division and because of it. Love will save us all in the end but it’s up to us to bring it about. Love is the fullness of the all manifest through the union of the divided.
The Dream Classification Chart
Throughout my life I’ve had a number of different kinds of dreams. This is my attempt at trying to classify them in an attempt to better understand them.
Level 1. Impression dream: left with only a vague impression of a concept where I feel there’s more but I can’t put my finger on it, these tend to fade quickest
Level 2. Narrative dream: feels like watching a movie, there’s a story playing out, most often this kind of dream will be the kind of dream that holds information if interpreted
Level 3. Lucid dream: I’m aware in the dream and I know that I’m dreaming
Level 4. Multilayered dream: I wake up from one dream into another more lucid dream often the only way to know if I’m dreaming is to do reality checks
Level 5. Hypnogogic experiences: while the experience is happening, I can’t tell what a dream and what’s reality. I often have to do multiple reality checks upon waking to be sure I’m awake (sometimes one or many of them would suggest I’m awake when I’m actually still dreaming)
Level 6. WTF dream: my dream seems more real than my walking life after I wake up. These are the kind of dreams that make me question my very concept of reality.
Strange Lumberjack Man Sleep Paralysis
Last night I had a weird sleep paralysis episode featuring what I’ve come to understand is generally called the lumberjack man. Here is what I recorded when I woke up about it.
I dreamed I was editing a yard with something like the open sim editor floating above it. Then I went inside the house/apartment and talked to someone about playing some kind of game. Then I was editing those trees again and turning the needles of a pine tree more blueish. Then I started drawing some lichens that were on the tree on some paper. Then I had some of the lichens in my hand and I had the impression they were sentient so I started taking to it. Nothing happened so I gave up and tried to go to bed. The house was like a larger version of my apartment but with the kitchen in an area leading to the bathroom instead. I closed my eyes to sleep and thought I saw someone. I sat up and turned on my phone’s flashlight and saw my freezer door close and then a man peaked around the corner. He had a beard and was wearing red flannel. I tried to say something to him but found I couldn’t speak. Then I woke up with a start. When I realized I really was awake I felt the need to sit up and check that I locked the door to my apartment. I had. I laid back down and tried to go back to sleep for awhile but I couldn’t fall back asleep. Then my alarm went off. I hear people arguing outside. It is a fullmoon.
I would classify this as a level 4.5 dream.
Excerpts from The Temple Page
Excerpts from The Temple Page
Selected excerpts I write from another page I run.
The goddess stands before you beckoning “Be open to me oh ye weary children.” The secrets of the gnosis within long to be unlocked by the sacred key of the divine. Will you take the path of the goddess? Will you descend into the depths of Irkalla and be brought back to life renewed, with the light of the beacon within lit, and discover your Divine Will which is stamped in your soul?
The number of the awoken is growing. More and more have begun to peek behind the veil and see the secrets of Gnosis beyond. It is encouraging to see!
They who twist the words of the divine for their own ends, to cast fear into the hearts of men, they are but the root of darkness.
The agents of shadow live in lavish luxury while we squabble with our neighbor over scraps.
Focus not on statues, for these are but icons alone, focus instead on the seeds of hatred within which defend them.
Cursed are those who cling to icons of hate and ignorance. Cursed are those who would waste their time with images when there is work to be done. Cursed are those who would turn their backs on the path of righteousness. Cursed be those who judge without knowing. Cursed be those who deny the truth that is set before them. Cursed be those who would cling to that which will not survive their soul. Progress is made only when we forget ourselves and follow but our Devine Will. You who cling to icons alone, you who would assume all knowledge, you who waste your time trying to destroy the idols of others but waste not an ounce of time on the seed of ignorance that is within feeding the flames of evil. You do nothing. You accomplish nothing. Your efforts will not outlive you.
If you’re not enjoying life, you’re doing it wrong. Frolic through the hallways, say hello to birds, dance in the sunlight and sing some magick words.
If you are not actively serving as a beacon of light, then you are opening yourself up as a vessel for shadow. Banish the shadow within you and illuminate the beacon within that you may be a guide to others and a source of positive change within the world and yourself.
Start a garden and grow your own food. Live close to nature. Know the cycles of the gods like your ancestors did.
Not fallen, descended that she may walk among the worlds of men as one among them; a holy whore! Inanna, holy cow of heaven! Priestess of the forsaken, lover of the forgotten and dysphoric! Who stands greatest among the foes of Jehovah and his evil? She who he has feared from the beginning, Asherah! His lies and deceit banished by her holy scroll of wisdom! Samael the fool quivers with fear at the sight of her! Goddess Inanna who commands the wisdom of Enki, who holds the sword of Horus blazing slashing and illuminating the ignorance among men! She who is Athena, Astarte, and Aphrodite in one! She who stands before you naked and beckoning “Come and drink from the sacred cup filled with the holy forbidden fruit of knowledge! Take your fill of me and know me! I am like a lover among you and I stand for you, leading you into battle and into my arms and my womb.” Hark! Athena has risen! Risen now is Babalon the great! Risen now is Inanna, morning star in the heavens and child of the moon! Hear her words! Let her fill you with her love and teach you get secrets of sorcery, of science and of wisdom! She has come! Follow her!
Hurrah hurrah! The age of Inanna has come! Ishtar! Astarte! Spohia! Babalon! The dawn of the new age has come! She gives birth to the golden calf of heaven, the conquering child of the sun; Marduk the slayer of dragons has come again in the new age! See the signs in the heavens and rejoice for the old order will be destroyed to make way for the new way of things in the birthing of a new pagan age! Goddess be praised! Hurrah!
Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll eat until overfishing destroys the fish population and he is left again in want. Teach a man that the fish are not his enemy, and he’ll have seaweed enough to last generations.
A message to those who make war:
To those who have done evil in the name of evil, why have you done this? You will never through evil convince a man who is good to follow the path of evil.
To those who have done evil in the name of good, why have you done this? You will never through evil convince a man who is evil to follow the path of good.